Memories and musing...

Memories... all alone in the moonlight...

Writing this is going to be quite a reflective, and at times painful, journey, I think.

I've spent this weekend thinking about my life so far, and it's left me feeling quite heavy, almost tearful, but also very proud of myself for getting through some tough times. But there have also been good times, so don't worry - it's not going to be one long dreary and depressing monologue! I think I'll also write about the process of writing this, as it's having an impact on me already... I'm also going to look through old photos as well.

Here is one of my favourites from the archives (below)

My grannie (mum's mum) is the little girl, her brother is Stanley, and their mum, Mabel Dodds, is in between them. Tragically, Stanley died when he was only 17, in a motorbike accident. Their mum never really recovered from that - how can someone ever recover from the death of their child? Grannie named her fourth child Stanley - I hadn't realised until last year that her brother had been called Stanley. How awful it was for Grannie, when she was in her 90s, to lose my mum in a road accident too. It must have brought back memories of how awful it was losing her brother. Life certainly has cruel twists of fate...

Getting Started....

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost . . . I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

I thought I'd start with this poem by Portia Nelson. I've already posted it in my other blog, but it feels appropriate to post it again now. I like how it is about the fact that we often make the same mistakes in life, but each time, we have the opportunity to learn something else, and to adapt our behaviour, so that we eventually avoid making the same mistake again. It's about self-responsibility; making mindful choices - such as choosing to go in a different direction, taking a different path - a more authentic one - which is what life is ultimately all about...